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My back is killing me right now, and I don’t have the right pillows for my back or even my head, it makes my neck feel very uncomfortable. I am trying to find the right pillows before It hurts me any longer.

I felt so sad after looking at social media, tonight. This is a place where grown ass 40yr+ men interact with ugly dumbass hoes thru regular social media. Then I went offline, It gave me time for me to think clearly, and I just wish I could tell people to “Leave me alone” forever. I don’t want to ever feel like, any guy like that has the power to make me feel gross. This is my body and this is not your body and I will not allow you to think about me, like I am some fucking ugly dumbass hoe you have on speed-dial. Kay?

I can’t say what I am really feeling like. If a guy looks at your pics and then looks at someone else, who looks like a ugly dumbass hoe, it makes me feel gross inside that’s why I never post any pictures. I don’t want to ever feel sexualized like that. EVER. It makes me think about all the mistakes I’ve made along the way, they were all mistakes. Just me being a victim of circumstances (people lying to me). I wouldn’t call them relationships. I wouldn’t call them anything, just street people, on some wannabe-pimp-ghetto-bullshit. I don’t want to ever have to go through that again, what I went through. I feel like, things could get so much worse than they are now. People can do evil things to you, if they think you are in a vulnerable place. 

I am totally fine with telling guys to “leave me alone FOREVER”. Two things: I never want to feel like that ever again in my life. I would rather do something else, shut my world off forever, than have to post my pictures online. I have too much self-respect. And also, I wish the day would come sooner rather than later where I can just walk away from this whole social media thing. I don’t like seeing more “Ghetto-A**-Pimps” online. It makes me so sad. 😭 

I wish the day would come where I can take care of myself and never depend on another man for anything, because they all jerked me around and used me and that is never going to happen ever again. I just want to be left alone. 😔 

I wonder about all the couples in the world, if they are happy, but I don’t really believe that they are truly happy, and maybe if they enjoy each other’s company, then maybe they hide it, or it doesn’t last forever. It’s not like any of the unrealistic propaganda and fairy tales they told you. It’s all a bunch of bullshit, and it’s all garbage, and maybe we are all in HELL. ❤️‍🔥 

I like how adults lie to you (and lead you to believe) or say go find a “Mate” and when you do, it was all absolute shit, it was all a mistake, it was all a big waste of time. It was all lies and propaganda. 

I like how we evolved into a society where both men and women are considered “attractive”. That’s ruined society. Men think they are hot shit, so they don’t even try to impress women, or go after women, or do anything for them anymore. Think about it. (Men spend more time in front of the mirror with beauty products-and that ain’t normal.) It’s all very pathetic and sad. They are not “hot shit” They are degenerating lowlifes flaunting themselves over imaginary things, because in the end we are all still Neanderthals. You think cavemen cared about what they looked like? They just wanted to survive. If you find a cavewoman then good for you move on, and shut the fuck up about it already, and no, that doesn’t mean we are all cavewomen. Leave me the FUCK ALONE! Our brains have evolved. Cavemen think about other things now, like going on birth control, or how much plastic surgery you can buy with crypto currency. Dueschbag losers, all of them. No matter what clothes you wear you will always be ugly inside and out. 👔🎩 

I hope one day I can be in a place where I don’t have to see these dueschbags on TV, or on social media. Giving bad advice to the younger generations (like telling them it’s okay to go on a casual date- No. It’s really not ok to go on a date, especially if you don’t know that person really well. It’s not a good idea at all.) Who are the audiences for these so called advice givers. Probably sketchy people from 3^rd world countries, so you can not seriously believe the lies they are telling you about their masculinity. The masculinity is non-existent.  

I kind of went in a different direction there, than what I started with. I am very sad, still. I know that I will never meet a guy and that I will be alone. I talk about “distractions” on social media. Mind you, I am not on any “dating apps”. Still, when I see any social media, it’s just a constant reminder of that loneliness, and the *hell* we are all really in. Maybe we don’t like to admit it, but it’s there. And it’s laughing at us telling us we will not last like this; we will not survive this. ❤️‍ 

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-D